Sunday, 2 October 2011

Unfurling Imago

Sooo, Rach decided to torture us all for the second campaign challenge.
You can check it out here.
Below is my small contribution.

The rules were:
- use the word imago in the title
- use the words miasma, lacuna, oscitate, and syncronicity in the piece.
- must be two hundred words or less.
- **bonus** be exactly two hundred words and mention a mirror.

I've tried for it all and I hope you enjoy it. :)
PS: I've put the definition of the words at the bottom of the post for those of you who don't want to run to the dictionary every two seconds :D


Unfurling Imago

The only noise is the sharp ting ting as you stir your coffee. Two sugar and skim milk—just the way you like it. In the silence I trace the water spot on the yellowing wallpaper with my eyes. I ignore the miasma of our dying love wondering, instead, whether the brown spot is a dog or bird. I look at your blonde capped head bent over the newspaper desiring you. I know if your green eyes rest on me it will be void of the emotion that I crave. Leaving my body riddled with lacuna. It’s not your fault—it must be mine. Your chair scrapes against the linoleum floor as you stand to leave. In your hurry you leave only the smell of Old Spice–you flaunt that you are going to see her. The loneliness oscitates before me threatening to swallow me whole. The shiny surface of the toaster mirrors back the shadows in my eyes and the ghost smile on my lips. I wash your dishes in the hot soapy water. When the water drains the ring is gone and everything is much cleaner. I marvel at the synchronicity as the tears course down my cheeks.

Please vote for me! I am 189 in the list. :)



Imago (in title): an adult insect, an idealized concept of a loved one, formed in childhood and retained unaltered in adult life.

Miasma: noxious exhalations from putrescent organic matter; poisonous effluvia or germs polluting the atmosphere. OR a dangerous, foreboding, or deathlike influence or atmosphere.

Lacuna: a gap or missing part, as in a manuscript, series, or logical argument; hiatus. OR one of the numerous minute cavities in the substance of bone, supposed to contain nucleate cells. OR an air space in the cellular tissue of plants

Oscitate: To gape; to yawn.

Synchronicity: an apparently meaningful coincidence in time of two or more similar or identical events that are causally unrelated

36 comments:

  1. Love the reflective tone of your writing ... you did a great job with this challenging collection of words!
    My entry at no.#185

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  2. Good job. It was fun reading all the different uses of the words, and the different stories.

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  3. Good job!

    I love stories and it takes talent to whip up a very short story using all the required words, in a short time.

    It was fun, reading your story.

    #188

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  4. Brilliant. You captured the emotion wonderfully. Great take on the challenge.

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  5. Wonderfully descriptive of emotions! Great job! ; )

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  6. So sad! This was no easy task, but you nailed it! Christy #158

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  7. Very sad story very well done. Great use of the words, too!

    I'm no. 44.

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  8. That was excellent!

    a very emotional entry. I can feel the neglect that your character is experiencing through her voice.

    Great job, Karen! :)

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  9. You wrote the feeling of a dying relationship perfectly. This is so sad!

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  10. That was fantastic! It was emotional and very well written. Good job! :)

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  11. There's a lot of emotion in this post. Nice work. I like it.

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  12. How very sad, the dying love. The story is riddled with emotion .

    Really good job.

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  13. I liked this a lot, Karen. Very smooth and professional, and very real.

    Paula (#192)

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  14. Sad, but beautifully written. You fit a lot of emotion in in 200 words (and with oscitate!!!)
    Lovely.

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  15. Writing this is second person really makes it resonate. I found myself sympathizing with your MC.

    Very well done!

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  16. i think i have to smack your character so she will wake up and leave that jerk!
    great job getting me riled up! =)

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  17. Very well crafted, great use of the words, full of heartache and loss, along with the inevitable self-blame and the water spot so symbolic.

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  18. wow! So sad. Loved how you incorporated the words!

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  19. Wow, very emotion-filled and so real! You did a great job here, the required words sit in smoothly and everything! I'm #34 returning your visit:)

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  20. I like the reflection aspect. I can feel her pain. Very nicely done.

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  21. Lots of emotion conveyed in such few words. None of the words seemed out of place. Very enjoyable.

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  22. Not the most fun moment in this person's life, for sure!

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  23. This was really great! The sensory details really drew me in. Great entry...really. I loved it. I'm following you now :)

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  24. Karen, I really like your entry. I think I voted the moment you posted it, I liked it so much!

    Yes, I like a little heartbreak with my lacuna, miasma, synchronicity and ocitation!

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  25. This is wonderful. I love the imagery in this, and all the sensory information: the ting ting, the scraping chair. You've captured a moment here.

    Mine is #3.

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  26. You did a great job of making me feel the emotions of the main character.

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  27. What great, raw emotions this evokes! Nice job!

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  28. Nicely done! Great use of those crazy words!

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  29. Great entry! I can feel the wife's pain.

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  30. So sad for her, knowing that her marriage wasn't what it once was and the hubby doesn't seem to want to do anything either.

    -Nellie

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  31. Great job, and good use of the words. Lots of sad emotion. Thanks for dropping by my blog and commenting :)

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  32. This is so beautifully written and so sad. Great use of the words!

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